I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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