i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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