you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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