Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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