Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
