you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
