Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
