I think I won the penis lottery.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Terrible idea I love it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
