I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ok first of all what the fuck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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