There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
