If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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