The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thus making me awesome and them whores
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
