Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
