I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
