her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Drake has all the answers
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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