I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
