Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
