By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
