How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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