Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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