from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
