would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
