Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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