I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
