Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
