my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
