I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
