No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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