I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
