Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
