2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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