I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
