OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
