Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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