Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
