i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
