upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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