He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
