I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
