grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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