I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
