I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
