he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
