I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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