On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
