Everything about him screamed your future.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
