Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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