Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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