Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
