Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
