I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
