I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
