He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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